Ora bem...ent aki vai..
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Hi! OiOi!
Eu tenho vindo a escrever em Ingles no blog...pois durante este tempo em todas as peskisas k fazia so encontrava sites, links, blogs de americanas ou inglesas com anorexia ou pro-annas...no entanto hj encontrei blogs portugueses...axei interessante..pois desconhecia o facto de haver raparigas portuguesas com anorexia k tivessem vontade de desabafar...podem me axar parva...mas realmente foi o k pensei..mas agr sei k estava errada e por ixo mesmo vou começar a escrever em portugues com mais frequencia...gostava muito de poder comunicar com voces...ajudar kem precise...infelizmente vivo com este problema de odiar o k vejo...d ser gorda...so keria poder olhar ao espelho e gostar do k vejo...enfim...ser feliz...!
Tou com 52kg agr...o meu primeiro objectivo é 45kg! Ajudem-me a la xegar! =)
beijinhux e ossinhux, Dollie
I've been pretty lazy! =/ I'm not losing weight or gaining...so i can't say that im doing bad..but i cant say im doing good eitheir!...baaah...i so freakin' hate being this fat ass! =/
I need to move faster
save myself from my own thoughts
words are killing me harder
but still I keep fighting for a better tomorrow!
I'm trying to forget all my bad memories
but all my memories seem to want me,
they're following me everywhere I go,
haunting my walk through each door!
My soul's crying,
as I'm falling,
all I want is a smile
not a lie to broke me inside...
Scars of my past
won't let me go
they keep showing me
the sadness I've been through..
When I think I'm doing good,
something bad happen,
I open the scars of my past
and my blood relieves the pain!
I wish I could wake up,
But I can't!
I wish I could stand up
and take your hand!
I need to find the cure
b4 I drown in my own blood
the open scars need to close 4ever
but 4ever belongs to me!
The darkness stills in my thoughts
I don't know what I'm feeling anymore
Sometimes I'm okay but sometimes I'm not
Sometimes I wanna smile and pretend everything’s ok
but suddenly I realize that I can't pretend what's in my eyes!
No one can really understand the sadness I'm in
it's more than tears, It's more than pain
It's a sin, it's insane!
Sometimes I cry all night trying to put it all out
but the pain is strong and it won't come out!
writting it kinda helps me
but hurting myself does too
I don't know if I can take it
I'm sick of this blue!
For a time I knew what I was crying for
now I cry for something more
something I can't explain
something deep, bigger than pain!
I'm so insecure, so self-destructive
why? why do I have to be this way?
I should be able to love myself
loving who I am
instead I keep inside all this pain!
Why?!?
I'm a sin,
sin of the unknown
of the ignorance
of the innocence
of stupidity
I should be able to love myself
today, tomorrow and everyday!
I tried everything but it's so damn hard
I should be able to get out of the dark!
I want to find my light, my guide, myself
I want to find the happiness
of being with someone else!
I L U V u my love
but I can't love me!
but I know that some day
I'll get out of this sin!
So for you I keep this promise
one day, somehow
I'll be able to love
what I can't love now!
Hi guys! I'm so hapy, I'm now with 121.2 lbs so if I don't eat anything today I'll probably weight around120.5 at the end of the day! :) and I take already 2 laxatives so I can take all I have inside of me! Yesterday unfortunately I had to eat not much though but still... :/ but I already vomit it all! :D I'm hopeless that at the end of this week I'll weight around 114 lbs :D I'm now saving money to buy a pill that will make me lose in 5 days 11pounds! :D I can't wait to buy it! :P
Keep it strong girls! I'll keep in touch! ;)
xoxox
Hi! Today I bought laxatives I'll probably use just 2! I want to lose weight so bad! I hate my body! I hate the way I look! Yesterday I cut my wrists and it felt so good I even made a line for a song " It hurts so bad all these feelings inside but I don't care cuz I've found a way to let it go...for a while"! It describes so well my state of mind! I weight now 121 lbs! I know it's so much! 
I hate it! I'll do whatever it takes to lose weigh! My goal is 90 lbs and I know I'll make it someday, somehow! I gotta go now my parents got home! but I'll write here tomorrow! This will be my"secret" diary! 
Keep it strong
Luv, Innocent_Doll
xxxx
